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Thoughts on Growing Old

Ralph Burns scores again.  Here are some thoughts--funny but true--on growing old. 

Now that I'm 'older' (but refuse to grow up),
here's what I've discovered:

ONE- I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO- My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE- I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

FOUR- Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

FIVE- All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

SIX- If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN- It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.


EIGHT- Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

NINE- I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...

TEN- Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN- Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE- It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

THIRTEEN- The only time the world beats a path to your door is when
you're in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN- If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

FIFTEEN- When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN- It's not hard to meet expenses ... they're everywhere.

SEVENTEEN- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN- These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

NINETEEN- I am unable to remember if I have mailed this to you before so you may get it more than once.


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