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Breaking up is
hard to do, especially for older women
Newswise — “Breaking Up
is Hard to Do” is advice from a popular
1970s song, but older women going through a
relationship breakup may have health
problems to go along with their broken
hearts, a University of Alabama researcher
has found.
Dr. Bronwen
Lichtenstein, UA assistant professor of
criminal justice who specializes in women’s
issues, recently completed a study of the
health risks women over age 35 faced when
they returned to the dating scene after the
breakup of a long-term relationship.
Lichtenstein was
investigating the theory that after an older
woman leaves a long-term relationship she
may make risky dating choices. “Being in a
relationship for 20 years means you have no
idea what the dating scene is like today,”
she said.
Lichtenstein surveyed
women in the West Alabama area and found
that these women – many of them like your
mother or your grandmother – often faced
depression, lack of health information, and
lack of social support after their
relationships ended.
How did they cope with
starting over? Well, it may start with food,
Lichtenstein found. “One of the most
interesting things for me was that they told
me they often meet people in grocery stores.
There’s a whole dating scene for this age
group going on in Wal-Mart and Publix,” she
reports.
The hooking-up over
food phenomenon may be happening because
there are few, if any, places where older
people can meet. “Young people have places
to go to meet one another and that doesn’t
exist for a lot of older people -- some may
be embarrassed to go to church groups for
singles or they may feel that the groups are
for younger people,” Lichtenstein said.
Lichtenstein looked at how these women, who
were recently divorced or widowed, were
equipped with the proper health information
about the spread of sexually transmitted
diseases when dating. “Women are
biologically more at risk for STDs at 50
than at 20, and most women don’t realize
it,” the UA College of Arts and Sciences
professor noted.
Almost all the women in
the study reported being depressed after
ending a relationship, and at least half the
women had been diagnosed with a sexually
transmitted infection. The women faced
biological, emotional and personal issues,
although the real problem is that the issues
are not being addressed, Lichtenstein found.
“There is a lot of uncertainty and anxiety
in returning to the dating scene – women ask
‘Am I attractive?’ and ‘What are the rules?’
– but nobody knows what the rules are
because everything’s changed,” she said.
Who fares the best the
second time around?
“Women who are
confident and assured of themselves seem to
deal with these relationship issues better.
They may not be in a better place, but they
find other things to do and find a
satisfying life on their own.
“A good example of this
is a 62-year-old woman who joined a
motorcycle club and began a wonderful social
life. Another example would be a woman who
never married but owned her own business and
had a lot of friends,” she said.
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