Visiting aging parents over the Holidays? Opening Pandora's Box!  Be prepared to look for changes

WALNUT CREEK, Calif., Nov. 22 /PRNewswire/ -- "I didn't know Mom's driving was that bad!" "Grandpa didn't recognize me!" If you encounter these situations, what are you supposed to do? Who do you call for help? What kind of help does Dad need?

These are the kinds of questions that Linda Fodrini-Johnson of Eldercare Services hears frequently in her practice, but especially so after the holidays. Her business is Eldercare Services (http://www.eldercareanswers.com/ ) and she is a Family Therapist and Certified Professional Geriatric Care Manager practicing in the San Francisco Bay Area.

As we approach the year-end holidays, millions of people will be anxiously looking forward to visiting family, but many who visit an elderly family member will be both surprised and shocked by how much that person's physical or mental condition has slipped since they were last together.

One daughter with an elderly mother expressed her concern over mom's forgetfulness and asked Fodrini-Johnson: "How do I bring up the subject?" A very simple but important strategy is to be honest and state your concerns in "I" messages, not "you should." When you say, "I am concerned about your ability to live alone," rather than "You should move to assisted living," the conversation is less likely to be conflictual.

Finding appropriate resources that are of good reputation and value is taxing for the long-distance caregivers. Families often don't even know where to look for resources. Geriatric Care Managers can be viewed as professional search engines with excellent filters -- saving families lots of time and money.

Time and time again Fodrini-Johnson hears clients say, "I wish I had known about your services before I visited my parent" or "I would have saved my job had I known about the support that your organization provides." Sometimes all a family needs is a one-hour consultation to have the information needed to guide them to appropriate resources and entitlements.

According to the Long Distance Caregiver Project of the Alzheimer's Association of Los Angeles, 15 million days are missed from work each year because of long distance caregiving and the number of people doing this type of caregiving will double in the next 15 years.

Fodrini-Johnson's 22 years experience with aging families points to the benefits of being ready with strategies before the visit. Reducing stress and empowering the family begins with awareness and professional guidance. In order to alert them of issues that could become a crisis if not addressed, Eldercare Service has a list of "Red Flags" for families that are visiting aging family members. This is available by calling (925) 937-2018 or emailing info@eldercareanswers.com