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My Father’s odd
behaviors don’t mean ehe has
Alzheimer’s--He’s just getting older, right?
by Jacqueline Marcell, Author, “Elder Rage”
(http://www.ElderRage.com)
For eleven years I pleaded with my elderly
father to allow a caregiver to help him with
my ailing mother, but after 55 years of
loving each other--he adamantly insisted on
taking care of her himself.
Every
caregiver I hired to help him sighed in
exasperation, "Jacqueline, I just can't work
with your father--his temper is impossible
to handle. I don't think you'll be able to
get him to accept help until he's on his
knees himself."
My father had always been 90% great, but
boy-oh-boy that temper was a doozy. He’d
never turned it on me before, but then
again--I'd never gone against his wishes
either.
When my mother nearly died from an infection
caused by his inability to continue to care
for her, I immediately flew from Southern
California to San Francisco to save her
life--having no idea that in the process it
would nearly cost me my own.
EARLY SIGNS OF
DEMENTIA?
I spent three months nursing my 82-pound
mother back to relative health, while my
father said he loved me one minute but then
get furious over some trivial little thing
and call me horrible names and throw me out
of the house the next.
I was stunned to see him get so upset, even
running the washing machine could cause a
tizzy, and there was no way to reason with
him. It was so heart wrenching to have my
once-adoring father turn against me.
I immediately had the doctor evaluate my
father, only to be flabbergasted that he
could act completely normal when he needed
to!
I could not believe it when the doctor
looked at me as if I was crazy. She didn’t
even take me seriously when I reported that
my father had left the gas stove on without
it lighting, or that he had nearly
electrocuted my mother.
Luckily, I walked into the bathroom just
three seconds before he plugged in a huge
power strip, which was in a tub of
water--along with my mother’s soaking feet!
Much later, I was furious to find out that
my father had instructed his doctor (and
everyone he came into contact with) not to
listen to anything I said because I was
“just a (bleep bleep) liar”--and all I
wanted was his money! (Boy, I wish he had
some.)
Then things got serious. My father had never
laid a hand on me my whole life, but one day
he nearly choked me to death for adding HBO
to his television--even though he had
eagerly consented to it just a few days
before.
Terrified and shaking, I dialed 911 for the
first time in my life. The police came and
took him to a psychiatric hospital for
evaluation, but I just could not believe it
when they released him saying they couldn't
find anything wrong with him.
What is even more astonishing is that
similar horrifying incidents occurred three
more times.
CAREGIVER CATCH 22
I was trapped. I couldn't fly home and leave
my mother alone with my father--because
she'd surely die from his inability to care
for her.
I couldn't get healthcare professionals to
believe me--because my father was always so
darling and sane in front of them. I
couldn't get medication to calm him, and
even when I finally did--he refused to take
it, threw it in my face, or flushed it down
the toilet.
I couldn't get him to accept a caregiver in
their home, and even when I did--no one
would put up with him for very long. I
couldn't place my mother in a nursing
home--he'd just take her out.
I couldn't put him in a home--he didn't
qualify. They both refused any mention of
Assisted Living--and legally I couldn't
force them.
I became a prisoner in my parents' home for
nearly a year trying to solve crisis after
crisis, crying rivers daily, and infuriated
with an unsympathetic medical system that
wasn't helping me appropriately.
GERIATRIC DEMENTIA
SPECIALIST MAKES RIGHT DIAGNOSIS
You don't need a doctorate degree to know
something is wrong, but you do need the
right doctor who can diagnose and treat
properly.
Finally,
I stumbled upon a compassionate neurologist
specialized in dementia, who performed a
battery of blood, neurological and memory
tests, along with CT and P.E.T. scans.
He reviewed all of my parents’ many
medications and also ruled out all the many
reversible dementias. And then, you should
have seen my face drop when he diagnosed
Stage One Alzheimer's in both of my
parents--something that all of their other
doctors had missed entirely.
TRAPPED IN OLD HABITS
What I'd been coping with was the beginning
of Alzheimer’s, which starts intermittently
and appears to come and go.
I didn't understand that my father was
addicted and trapped in his own bad behavior
of a lifetime and that his habit of yelling
and pounding the table to get his way was
now coming out over things that were
illogical and irrational... at times.
I also didn't understand that demented does
not mean dumb (a concept that is not widely
appreciated) and that he was still socially
adjusted never to show his "Hyde" side to
anyone outside the family.
Even with the onset of dementia, it was
amazing he could be so manipulative and
crafty. On the other hand, my mother was as
sweet and lovely as she’d always been.
BALANCING BRAIN
CHEMISTRY
I learned that Alzheimer's is just one type
of dementia (making up 65% of all dementias)
and there's no stopping the progression nor
is there yet a cure.
However, if identified early there are
medications that in most people can
mask/slow the progression of the disease,
keeping a person in the early independent
stage longer--delaying full-time supervision
and nursing home care. (Ask a Dementia
Specialist about the FDA approved
medications: Aricept, Exelon, Razadyne and
Namenda.)
After the neurologist treated the dementia
and then the depression (often-present in
dementia patients) in both of my parents, he
prescribed a small dose of anti-aggression
medication for my father, which helped
smooth out his volatile temper without
making him sleep all day. (Boy I wish we’d
had that fifty years ago!)
It wasn’t easy to get the dosages right and
not perfect, but at least we didn’t have to
have police intervention anymore!
And once my parents’ brain chemistries were
better balanced, I was able to optimize
nutrition, fluid intake, and all their
medications with much less resistance.
CREATIVE BEHAVIORAL
TECHNIQUES
As soon as the medications started working,
I was finally able to implement some
creative behavioral techniques to cope with
all the bizarre behaviors.
Instead of logic and reason--I learned to
use distraction, redirection and
reminiscence. Instead of arguing the
facts--I simply agreed, validated their
frustrated feelings, and lived in their
reality of the moment. I finally learned to
just “go with the flow”.
And, if none of that worked, a bribe of
vanilla ice cream worked the best to get my
obstinate father into the shower, even as he
swore a blue streak at me that he’d just
taken one yesterday (over a week ago)!
Then finally, I was able to get my father to
accept a caregiver in their home (he’d only
alienated 40 that year—most only there for
about ten minutes), and with the tremendous
help of Adult Day Health Care five days a
week for them, and a weekly support group
for me, everything started to fall into
place. It was so wonderful to hear my father
say once again, “We love you so much,
sweetheart.”
ALZHEIMER’S / DEMENTIA
OFTEN OVERLOOKED
What is so shocking is that no one ever
discussed the possibility of Alzheimer’s
with me that first year.
I was told their “senior moments” and
intermittently odd behaviors were just old
age, senility, stress, and a “normal part of
aging”.
Since
one out of every eight persons by the age of
65, and nearly half by the age of 85, get
Alzheimer’s Disease--I should have been
alerted to the possibility.
Had
I simply been shown the "Ten Warning Signs
of Alzheimer's", I would have realized a
year sooner what was happening and known how
to get my parents the help they so
desperately needed.
If any of this rings true for you or someone
you love, I urge you to seek early
evaluation from a Dementia
Specialist—immediately!
TEN WARNING SIGNS OF
ALZHEIMER'S
(Reprinted with permission of the
Alzheimer’s Association)
1. Memory loss
2. Difficulty performing familiar tasks
3. Problems with language
4. Disorientation of time and place
5. Poor or decreased judgment
6. Problems with abstract thinking
7. Misplacing things
8. Changes in mood or behavior
9. Changes in personality
10. Loss of initiative
Expanded Descriptions:
http://www.elderrage.com/alzheimers.asp
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