Prof
recommends forgetting Ghosts of Christmas Past to avoid loneliness
Newswise — Loneliness can be particularly painful at the holidays,
and feelings of isolation can affect people at any age or stage of
life. For those approaching the holidays feeling pangs of
loneliness, an Iowa State University professor has some advice that
sounds much like the lesson of Ebenezer Scrooge: Forget the ghosts
of Christmas past, and focus on the present and future.
Dan Russell, a professor of human development and family
studies and a researcher with ISU’s Institute for Social and
Behavioral Research, has been studying loneliness since the
early 1980s. He's found no direct correlation between the
number of relationships a person has and his or her level of
loneliness.
"Loneliness is different than being alone," said Russell, whose
research was recently featured in O, the Oprah magazine. "In
general, people who are lonely have fewer close friends. But this
isn't always the case. Lonely people can have many close friends,
whereas people who aren't lonely may not know anyone."
The lonely aren't who you might think in terms of age, either.
Russell's research has found that older adults are the least lonely
age group, while high school and college-aged students are the most
lonely.
"The most socially isolated group is the elderly," he said, "and yet
that group understands that being more alone is part of the aging
process, and adapts to it."
Loneliness is not affected by the quantity of relationships, but
rather the expectation an individual has for those relationships,
Russell said. For that reason, recalling fond memories of friends
and relatives in holidays past can cause some people to feel
lonelier during this time of year than they do most of the time.
"It is helpful for people to live in the present and not the past,
and understand how their situation (of being around close family and
friends at the holidays) can change over time," he said. "If they do
feel lonely, they should try and understand why they're feeling
lonely. What is it about their relationships that make them feel
lonely?"
Loneliness also may be a natural byproduct of the holidays,
according to Russell, because of the break in a daily routine.
"In the case of people who work for a living -- we work a lot," he
said. "So you're working like crazy and always around co-workers,
and then suddenly you're not working at all because of the holidays.
That's when you start feeling lonely. In the case of college
students, they're also taking time off for the semester break. So
the time at the holidays may make you think more about relationships
and how you feel."
Russell recommends that people approach the holidays as an
opportunity to build relationships, rather than to assess or dwell
on a lack of close ties to others. 'Tis the season to reconnect with
both relatives and friends, or possibly make new friends, he said.
"People should try and get together with friends while they're home
for the holidays, and then maintain contact with those friends
throughout the year," Russell explained. "They can also try and find
some projects that involve some social interactivity during the
holidays. They are typically more abundant during this time of
year."
Regardless of whether someone is seeking new social relationships or
romantic interests, Russell says the holidays make those
possibilities more salient. That’s just as Charles Dickens wrote for
his fictitious Mr. Scrooge – whose new-found interest in others
allowed him to become "as good a friend…as the good old city knew."